


Distorted

by CourtingInsanity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mirror magic, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-22 17:57:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtingInsanity/pseuds/CourtingInsanity
Summary: Their magic comes from opposing poles, drawing them together. But soon the mirror image becomes distorted, and the reflection Severus once thought was everlasting begins to fade.





	Distorted

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [DBQ2019Round1](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DBQ2019Round1) collection. 



 

* * *

 

 

**_You look at me to see yourself, what am I?_ **

 

**_A mirror._ **

 

* * *

 

Severus Snape had never liked mirrors. He didn’t understand the need for the reflective glass, considering it to be a tool used by narcissists who preferred primping and preening—useless activities, in his opinion. Besides, he didn’t need one to see his reflection... he only had to look at Lily.

 

He could see himself the most clear in her emerald eyes. When he was with her, it felt as though he could accomplish anything, be the man she thought he would become. He could be authentic, talk to her about whatever was on his mind, knowing that she wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t laugh… she was his perfect half.

 

Their magic wove itself together like the fine line between good and evil, innocent and guilty, happy and sad… So fine was the line that Severus had not noticed it until it had long since frayed and snapped completely.

* * *

 

Lily Evans would never forget the feeling of elation as it spread from her stomach towards her fingertips. Her eyes were cast towards the ceiling, focused on the white feather as it floated upwards from her desk. She had done it, and during her first ever charms class, too!

 

“Well done, Miss Evans!” Professor Flitwick squeaked, hurrying towards her. “Look here, everyone!”

 

Lily’s cheeks flooded with warmth as the noise of the classroom dulled and every pair of eyes turned to settle on her. She concentrated hard, not wanting to slip and ruin the spell.

 

As she guided the feather back to her desk, Professor Flitwick awarded Gryffindor ten points. This sent her housemates into an uproarious cheer, and several people seated nearby moved to pat her on the back encouragingly. She smiled and glanced up to meet the gaze of a Slytherin boy across the classroom.

 

Severus was looking at her with a proud look in his eye. Her heart swelled and her smile transformed into a full-on grin. He did not return the sentiment but nodded slightly in her direction. Lily knew that this was his way of congratulating her.

* * *

 

It had started as a simple idea, just a memory of their first class together. The way her eyes lit up when her feather floated into the air had left an imprint on his heart, and he longed for her to look at _him_ like that.

 

“Are you ready?” he asked.

 

“Yes,” Lily said. “What do you want to show me?”

 

“Stand here.” Severus gripped her shoulders and moved her to the middle of the small room.

 

His heart thudded against his ribcage as she watched him, an apprehensive smile on her face. Severus pointed his wand straight ahead and Lily opened her mouth, but whatever she was about to say dissolved into an ear-piercing shriek as he cast the spell.

 

“ _Levicorpus!”_

 

Lily was hoisted into the air by her ankle, dangling just beneath the roof with a look of utter shock on her face. She flailed and Severus let out a sound of triumph as he walked around in a circle beneath her.

 

“Severus!” She gasped, gripping the hem of her shirt to stop it from falling around her armpits. “What did you do? Put me down!”

 

“Don’t you see, Lily?” he asked, his fingertips tingling with excitement. “This is my spell. _Mine!_ I created it using the principles of _Wingardium Leviosa._ And it works!”

 

“Clearly,” she snarled, kicking her legs in a futile attempt to break free.

 

Oblivious to her discomfort, he continued, “This is the first time I’ve used it on an actual person. I’ve been practicing with small objects and I wasn’t sure if it would work properly but—” he indicated her hanging form. “You’re the first person to see it in action!”

 

“Severus,” she hissed. “If you don’t let me down _this instant,_ I swear to Merlin I will hex you into next week!”

 

Severus sighed, thoroughly annoyed that she wasn’t sharing in his excitement. “Fine. I suppose I should see if the counter-spell works anyway.”

 

Lily made a noise of disbelief in the back of her throat, and Severus waved his wand, setting her right again. He grinned, meeting her gaze in preparation for the celebration which would surely follow such a display of success, but Lily was swaying slightly on the spot, her eyes unfocused.

 

“Easy.” Severus rushed forward and wrapped his arms around her, steadying her.

 

“If my head wasn’t spinning so violently right now, I’d punch you,” she said weakly.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he meant it. He had wanted to show her that he was a brilliant wizard, not hurt her.

 

“Perhaps,” she said after a moment, “you should leave spell-creation to the experts.”

 

Severus deflated, letting his arms drop back to his sides. After all that time, all that effort, she still wasn’t impressed by him. Lily thought that he was a failure, a silly schoolboy who should leave such grandiose dreams to the _professionals._

 

He sneered at her as she stood to leave. “I shouldn’t have expected you to understand.”

 

Her eyebrows shot towards her hairline. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing.” He turned away from her, breathing heavily. Rage swirled within him and he knew he was mere sentences away from saying something he would not be able to take back. “Just go.”

 

For once, Lily heeded his request, slamming the door on the way out.

* * *

 

Laughter bubbled in her chest and burst forth into the air as they sprinted down the corridor. Tears of mirth streamed down Lily’s face and she felt pleasantly lightheaded as they skidded around a corner. Severus’ robes billowed out behind him as he ran, his knees pulled high, making her laugh even harder. She adjusted the bag which was slung carelessly over one shoulder and skirted around an older student who yelled at them to slow down.

 

Ten minutes earlier, she and Severus had been sitting in Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall was lecturing them on animagi, which they had all found fascinating. When the Professor showed them her own animagi form, the class had cheered, Lily among them, even if the cat didn’t seem particularly friendly with its stern expression and familiar, spectacle-like markings.

The students appreciated such an awesome display of magic, but when she transformed back into her human self, the Professor had set a two-and-a-half foot long essay on animagi, earning groans from the entire class.

 

That was when Severus had turned to Lily and said, “Oh you have got to be _kitten_ me.”

 

This sent Lily into an uncontrollable fit of giggles and Professor McGonagall asked them both to stay back after class. Lily had been thoroughly chastised, as she respected the Head of Gryffindor. Severus, on the other hand, wasn’t as terrified of Professor McGonagall as he probably should have been.

 

When she asked him for an explanation for his silly behaviour, Severus had responded, “I’m _paw_ fully sorry, Professor.” Which had set Lily off into another fit of giggles.

 

Luckily for both of them, Professor McGonagall seemed to appreciate the humour, and had sent them off with a quirk of her lips. Since then, Severus had been speaking only in cat puns, leaving Lily breathless and aching with laughter.

 

Finally, they skidded to a halt outside a familiar archway which led to a solid wooden door. Lily shoved her way in front of Severus, brandishing her wand before he could pull his from his bag.

“ _Alohomora!_ ” She panted, grinning as the lock clicked.

 

She leaned against the door, revealing a small, circular room. It was furnished sparsely, mostly filled with a variety of cushions and thin blankets; it wasn’t much, but it was home, their little secret common room.

* * *

 

Severus smirked as he entered the potion store cupboard. Slughorn was so oblivious, it made his job almost too easy. He wandered along the shelves, using a long, pale finger to catalogue the ingredients he would need for his next project.

 

Silently, he thought through the list: _Infusion of wormwood, powdered root of asphodel, sloth brain, Sopophorus bean…_

  
He repeated this mantra over and over, side stepping in the small space, as he collected each of the ingredients. At the box which contained the Sopophorus beans he paused after placing the twelfth in the enchanted bag he had brought with him. With a frown, he added a thirteenth. “For good luck,” he murmured.

 

Finalising his theft, Severus zipped the bag closed and hoisted it onto his shoulder. He left the room undetected and headed straight for the upper levels, finally releasing his breath once he was settled in the girl’s bathroom on the second floor.

 

He dropped to his knees and lit a fire beneath the cauldron he had set up for this purpose. He took the ingredients from his bag and lined them up in order along the floor beside him, counting and recounting to ensure he had the right amount of everything. It wouldn’t do to hand a less than stellar potion over to the Dark Lord, especially not when it would earn him as much as Rosier had promised.

 

Severus’ lips quirked into a small smile as he added the first two ingredients and then began to stir it clockwise. Of course, he wasn’t sure that the potion _was_ meant for the Dark Lord, but he had a strong feeling that Rosier wasn’t after Draught of the Living Death just for kicks.

 

It made Severus feel powerful, important, to be needed by his friends—and by extension, their Master—this way. He hadn’t felt appreciated or even needed in such a long time, and it was almost a relief to be the one who could provide something, rather than being the snivelling, pining wizard he had let himself become.

 

When the potion was done, Severus mentally congratulated himself and set about putting it in a vial. He had stolen that from Slughorn as well, and he briefly wondered at the intelligence of a man who only locked his storeroom with a spell that a simple _Alohomora_ could undo.

 

The door creaked as he left the bathroom, looking both ways down the deserted corridor before proceeding. He twirled the vial in his slender fingers in a nonchalant way, admiring the way the clear, seemingly harmless liquid bubbled in the torchlight.

 

As he neared the secret room which had once belonged to both him and Lily, the sense of pride faded and was replaced by a dull ache in his chest. It had been weeks since he’d spoken to the red-haired witch. He knew that he deserved at least a bit of the silent treatment Lily was giving him, but he hadn’t _meant_ to call her that word. He was angry, and embarrassed, and he wanted her to be on his side for once. Why couldn’t she see that Potter and his lot were the issue? Why couldn’t she see that everything Severus did—the good and the bad—was always for her?

 

Severus paused, sighing as he came to the doorway, taking out his wand and pointing it at the lock. “ _Alohomora_ ,” he whispered.

 

The familiar clicking noise filled his ears and he pushed against the solid block of wood, quickly shutting it behind him. He relocked it with a spell an _Alohomora_ couldn't open, just to be safe until Rosier arrived.

 

Turning to set up, he found there was already someone in the room, standing in the middle of it with their arms folded across their chest.

 

“Lily,” Severus breathed, stumbling backwards slightly.

 

“Severus,” she greeted him softly. “I figured you’d turn up eventually.”

 

“Um…” He glanced over his shoulder at the door before shuffling forwards into the room. “What are you doing here?”

 

Lily arched an eyebrow and huffed, obviously affronted. “I would have thought that was obvious.”

 

“I mean… It’s good to see you,” Severus said, “but this really isn’t a good time.”

 

“Oh?” Lily frowned, glancing at the vial still clutched in his hand. “Are you expecting—?”

 

They were interrupted by a sharp knocking on the door. Severus winced as Rosier’s harsh voice ground its way into their space. “Snape, open up! It’s me.”

 

Lily’s eyes grew wide. So many emotions flitted across her face; shock, hurt, anger. “Severus…” she whispered, shaking her head slowly.

 

He felt his heart sink to his knees. “Lily,” he pleaded. “I just need a few minutes. Can you come back in a few?”

 

She stared at him for a few long seconds before barking out a harsh laugh. “This is just perfect,” she said sarcastically. “I came here to talk about what happened!” She was shouting now, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Severus longed to wipe them away, but Rosier was pounding on the door again.

 

“Just a minute!” Severus called, shooting a desperate look at Lily. “And we can… but I have to do something first, please, just give me two minutes.”

 

“No!” she spat, rage swirling suddenly hot and intense in her green eyes. “You’re one of them, aren’t you?” She sneered, jerking her head backwards towards the door, indicating the hidden form of Evan Rosier.

 

Severus longed to tell her _no_ , in that moment, simply because he knew it was what she wanted to hear. And it wasn’t a lie, technically, because he _wasn’t_ a Death Eater, not yet, anway. But he wanted to be, and not because he disliked Lily or even thought her inferior—quite the opposite. He did want a safer world for her, though, and that’s why he was determined to fight… but he couldn’t explain all of that right now.

 

Lily scoffed. “I can’t believe you’d do this,” she said, the first tear falling down her cheek. “And to use _our_ spot, Severus? I—” she shook her head and turned, opening the door before looking back over her shoulder “—I don’t know who you are anymore.”

 

And with that, she unlocked the door, shoved past Rosier, and was gone.

 

Severus moved before he knew what he was doing. He sped to the door and yanked it open, thrusting the vial into the chest of a startled looking Rosier. “Here,” he growled as he ran past him, not bothering to accept payment and ignoring Rosier’s calls as he sprinted down the corridor.

 

He traced a familiar path upwards, but there was no sign of Lily. Stopping outside of the empty library, completely winded and emotionally drained, he slumped against the wall and allowed his exhausted body to crumple on the floor.

 

_She’s gone,_ he thought, a heavy weight falling into his chest. Lily was lost to him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

 

The air was thick and damp, and the smell of blood and death permeated every orifice as Lily blinked the sweat from her eyes. She was panting, hunched over slightly as her eyes flitted over the scene, mapping, calculating…

 

The Death Eaters outnumbered them at least four-to-one and she knew the Order would have to retreat soon, but not until she achieved what she had come here to do—what _they_ had come here to do.

 

She darted to her left, intending to make her way to the back wall by following the perimeter of grey stone. She flattened her back to it, inching along now in the shadows, separated from the ‘real’ battle waging in front of her. Jets of light painted the ceiling in rainbow colours, glittering within the silver of the enemy’s masks. She narrowed her eyes so as not to be blinded by them, maintaining her steady pace.

 

Finally, she reached her destination, adrenaline coursing through her veins; Lily was sure she was going to be caught. Familiar faces hung on the wall, their wrists and ankles bound by thick chains. Her heart ached and she hurried over to the first person whose head lolled sickeningly against their chest.

 

“It’s okay,” Lily murmured as she set to work on the chains. “You’ll be okay.”

 

There was no response from the limp form of Marlene McKinnon.

 

Lily blinked the tears from her eyes quickly and set to work. She pointed her wand at the chains which bound her best friend and performed the simple wrist movement. “ _Diffindo!_ ” she muttered, concentrating so as not to accidentally slit Marlene’s wrists.

 

A jet of red light missed Lily by inches and she turned with a gasp. A manic cackle accompanied the spell, and though the caster was nowhere near Lily, an ice-cold sense of fear gripped the bottom of her spine; she had never met Bellatrix in person, but if the rumours were to be believed…

 

Lily twisted side-on, keeping her back pressed flush against the wall as she continued her work. “ _Diffindo! Diffindo! Diffindo!”_

 

Over and over again she chanted it like a personal mantra, finally severing the chains. Marlene fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. Lily whimpered; she wanted nothing more than to Apparate her friend directly to Head Quarters, but there were others that needed her attention before they could retreat.

 

She looked up, locking eyes with her husband across the noisy room. He nodded once before ducking and weaving through the maze of curses, and Lily felt some of her resolve return; she could do this… she had to.  

* * *

 

Severus had seen Lily fight many times. First, when they were at Hogwarts, and then since they had chosen different sides of the War. She had a signature when she was in battle, though it wasn’t a specific spell or movement… it was just her _way_ —Severus couldn’t explain it.

 

She moved as if she belonged there, as if everyone else was frozen and she was simply able to wander through the space like she owned it. He watched her as she released her comrades using one of the most basic spells in her arsenal. For a remarkably powerful witch, she favoured the simple way of doing things.

 

He, on the other hand, mostly avoided the chaos of battle. The Dark Lord liked to keep him close, anyway, and Severus was proud to be considered part of the innermost circle, as terrifying as his master could sometimes be.

 

Severus smirked and ducked to his left, watching as James Potter was momentarily distracted by the same witch Severus had kept his eye on for most of the battle. Staying in the shadows, he was able to utilise the element of surprise. Potter was quick, he would give the bespectacled man that, but Severus was quicker, smarter, and therefore far better prepared.

 

Severus’ first spell missed its target by a hair’s breadth, but it certainly caught Potter’s attention.

 

The black-haired wizard turned, casting a sloppy, “ _Expelliarmus!”_ It was more a reaction rather than a well thought out attack, and Severus blocked the spell lazily.

 

“Still as useless as ever,” he commented with a sneer.

 

Recognition crossed Potter’s features for a brief moment before his eyes narrowed and he thrust his wand forward, a barrage of spells bursting from the end of it.

 

Severus blocked each of them, though as the onslaught continued, sweat began to bead on his brow. He was far too proud to admit that James Potter was a decent wizard, but he wasn’t about to let the arrogant twat kill him either.

 

He chuckled, an attempt at nonchalance but the way he panted through the sound lessened some of its effect. “Going to have to try harder than that,” he rasped, directing his own wand at Potter’s chest. “ _Sectumsempra_!”

 

His aim was true, hitting Potter below his rib cage on his right side. For a moment nothing happened, and then Potter glanced down, his eyes wide as a deep crimson stain spread across the front of his pale blue shirt.

 

“Wh-what was that?” Potter mumbled, staggering backwards into the wall.

 

“One of my own,” Severus said, an overwhelming sense of pride flowing through his veins.

 

“You’re sick!” Potter spat, now lowering himself to the ground as he clutched the wound over his shirt.

 

Severus barked a harsh laugh and twirled his wand between his fingers. He continued to chuckle as he turned and stalked away, intent on finding a good vantage point to watch the outcome of his spellwork.

 

Seeking Lily out of the crowd, Severus was pleased to note that she was not yet aware of the injury which had befallen her beloved. She was still using the simple severing charm to release her comrades, and Severus couldn’t help but smile fondly as she worked, swiping at her brow as she moved.

 

_We’re really not that different,_ he thought to himself, pressed into the corner. _In fact, without that little spell she’s currently using, I wouldn’t have been able to create the one I used to slice Potter open._  

 

Two sides of the same coin. Threaded together by the finest of twine. Reflected within each other. There was no escaping it, and though she may not realise it, Lily Evans would always be the mirror in which Severus saw himself.

 


End file.
